Friday, July 19, 2013 -Parlay

What’s the big deal if a dog can spell?  After four years of college and living and communicating somewhat effectively for over 50 years in this world, I think I still have some game to stay ahead of my dogs. Well, the other day, I realized they are learning present and future tense verbs. Now that is disturbing and I blame it on those late night easy buy channels they watch. They got some additional tapes besides ESL to just study Verbs. Then there is a whole ‘nother discussion on how they got my credit card out of my wallet.

There I was on a nice sunny day, walking down our residential roads with Jade trotting along beside me. It was a Monet sky, all pastel blue with some shredded cotton balls drifting by.  A nice cool 65 degrees with just enough warmth on my back to feel the sun, but not too much to wish I had slathered on sunscreen.

We had already had the daily discussion this morning about going for a walk. It is a process we are proud of maintaining in our house.  And both dogs are stellar at the process and we all need to be good at something. In fact, sometimes I call them Pete and Repeat, because it can be quite a repetitive process to get the walk underway.

It starts with the cold wet nose to the hand flung out over the edge of the bed. A sheet still covers my inert body, but they smell the synapses vibrating in my brain that start the unconscious flicker of eyelids.  It is a quick touch, not too starling, not the full wet licks to the face, but I suspect this is another reason I sleep with my head buried beneath a sheet.  A quick wet hand touch. Not enough to warrant a shout, but  just enough to get a hand twitch. I roll over and face the other way. Now my head is uncovered and my brain senses an air flow change. A slight pressure to the far side of the bed. I open my eyes and focus on Jade’s head perched on the bed. She is big enough to sit erect on the floor like a regal Irish Setter and set her chin on the bed.  Paws are not on the bed and no treaty accord has been violated. She stares with lab ears folded over perfectly, the forward alert pose. Head on the bed and eyes imploring. Swish, swish, swish, and pause. Her feathered tail hesitates across the wooden floor.  Swish, swish, swish, and pause. Both eyes blink.  Behind my back, another pressure and a slight touch on my back. Prana who does not have the bearing, manners ,or stature of an Irish Setter type dog, is touching my back with one paw while her other paw holds her upright against the edge of the bed. Another touch and this time with a little bit of nails to make her point.  She is a muscle car. She is not delicate and regal. She is to the point. This time a swipe, “Time to get up. Come on, we have things to do”.  I release a big sigh. Jade now thumps her tail and Prana pushes off and trots to the other side to nudge Jade. “See I told you, frontal assault works”.

“No” Jade says, “That was a flanking maneuver, this is frontal assault”, and she bounds on to the bed with Prana in full gazelle mode beside her. “Just shout ‘Parlay’!” Jade says as she head butts my neck and collapses in a heap with tail thumping.  The treaty accord is busted wide open and I laugh with arms out and recall “Parlay” from Pirates of the Caribbean (it’s really more like guidelines than actual rules...) Great, now they can get into my DVDs too.

So the conversation with the Captain of the ship begins. There is a lot of squirming and sniffing and wiggling. There are furtive glances between them. They are getting their stories straight.  Prana, eager to get going looks over her shoulder to the door. Jade snuggles into my armpit and thumps softly. “ Don’t be so eager, “ Jade mumbles to Prana. “Play cool, chill for a minute”

“But there were cats and squirrels in the yard last night and they might still be there,” Prana insists.

“Scratches come first,” and she rolls over on her back.  I scratch her chest and up along her throat. Prana squirms over and nudges her nose under Jade’s ear flap and flips it over. She begins to lick the inside of Jades ear like there is ice cream in there somewhere. Jade’s eyes roll up inside her head and Prana waves her curved tail back and forth like a slow motion NASCAR caution flag.

You guys are so weird,” I mutter and roll upright.

 Both dogs stop and stare at me. “Is it time? Isittime, isittime???”

“Off you go,” and I usher them off with a wave of my arm.  They dive off the bed, landing on the wooden floor and slide sideways across to the door. I slip into my robe and shuffle to the bathroom.  They park themselves outside the door.

 I come out a few minutes later and the wiggle dance begins. Jade is much looser in the hips, sort of a tango or salsa dancer. Her lips part and she smiles the dolphin smile, all toothy and happy. She starts wiggling from the tip of her tail and reverberates all the way up her spine. I think she is going to jiggle all of her bones out of place. Her feet pump straight up and down, one foot then the other, her body weight shifts side to side and back and forth all at the same time. Her ears are folded tight against her head like a Tomcat fighter jet and her head is moving to the Ray Charles sway. Prana spins in a circle and her feet come of the floor. She is doing the gymnast free style. 

I look down, “I need to get dressed and have my coffee. You guys know this. You gotta give me some time to wake up”. They sit. They glance at each other and then look at me with the Lab Tilt. There is a sigh and they slide down on to the floor, deflated again. Now comes the pout. Head all the way down on the floor, eyes follow me back into the bedroom. Jade sighs and rolls onto her side. Prana gets up and tip toes down the stairs and stops half way down.  She sits on one stair tread with her front feet poised on the stair tread below. With this elevated view, she can jut her head forward and stare out the dinning room window.

I open and close drawers, make the bed back up, shuffle some things around. I grab my socks and pick up my running shoes. Jade lurches off the floor and Prana trots up the stairs. I sit on the edge of the bed and Jade’s head hovers over my left shoe. She begins to wiggle again and picks up one shoe by its laces. Gingerly, she hands it to me, lips slightly curled back, as it the smell was too much to get any closer than necessary. “Thank you Jado. Good girl” I praise.  Her ears perk up. Jado is her other name. I have found that dogs respond to commands better if their names have two syllables. Don’t know why. Maybe the first syllable gets their curiosity and the second one seals the deal. Like moms who call their kids by their first, middle and sometimes last names to get their attention. So Jade has become Jado when commands may be imminent. So, dogs know nouns too. 

Prana looks a bit impatient. She has no desire to pick up anything, unless it is a squirrel that she has run to ground and pounced on. I put on my other shoe and tie the laces snug. Jado lets out a huff. She glances back at Prana, “I can’t believe she takes so long to get ready.” 

Prana’s ears come forward into that lab fold triangle. “Humph, she hasn’t even had her coffee yet” and she turns and walks off down the stairs. 

“Jado, ready for a walk?” I ask. Her front feet come off the ground and she dances for a second on her back feet. Her front feet never touch me. She is balancing hard. She comes back down on all fours and the wiggles start up again. “ok,” I laugh “ I gotta go get my coffee.”  She circles around me, dives between my legs and then I hear her gallop down the stairs. I shake my head and start looking for my sunglasses on the dresser. Galump, galump, galump, I hear Jado gallop back up the stair in three strides. She circles again and herds me out the bedroom door towards the stairs.

I lean on the railing and Jado edges past me lumbering back down the stairs, wiggling and tail rotating in slow circles. I move a little slower these days. Six months ago I stumbled on a dropped object while going down our outside stairs to the basement.  I was carrying a ten foot long piece of lumber to the woodshop in our basement and a pry bar fell out of my carpenter bags.  My left foot slid on that metal bar like a ski while my right foot was still planted on the stairs. Since my hands were clutching the board, I couldn’t grab onto anything,  so I ended up crashing down a few steps to the bottom. 

The first doctor took x-rays, said my ankle was broken, put me in a cast, said stay off of it for 8 weeks and handed me some crutches.  A week later an orthopedic PA took x-rays , said yep its broken, put a new lighter cast on, handed me back my crutches, and said come back in two weeks and we will change the cast. By then I was beyond aggravated with the diagnosis and pushed for a second opinion. The third doctor, an orthopedic surgeon, got me an MRI, said, nope it’s not broken , let’s put you in a walking boot, get you off the crutches, and get you into physical therapy. 

My sister Rae, who has been a Veterinarian for over 30 years and has been the driving force behind her 20 year olds son’s 2 ½ year  on going rehab from a life threatening traumatic brain injury, told me some good advice when I was so exasperated with my ankle ordeal.  She said, “That’s why they say doctors practice medicine.”

I slowly walk down the stairs while Jado sits and waits at the front door mat. Her tail is swishing and she is grinning like a kid who just heard the ice cream truck coming down the street. I wander into the kitchen and reach for the thermos of coffee. My partner Lissa gets up early to feed the dogs, makes our coffee, then she starts her work out routine. We have doing this for a while now and there is an unspoken hand off. She is up at 5:30 am and gets the dogs started and then I come in a bit later and do the walks. 

Yep. Two separate walks. These two are like the worst sibling rivalries when they are walked at the same time by one person. They are too close together. Everything is fine. Then, a squirrel teases them from a tree, or a dog is walking a block away or a cat turns its head and stares. Bam. 

Prana pulls but can’t get to the offender so she turns and rushes Jado, “I saw them first, you can’t have them, and he’s mine.” She grabs onto to Jado’s neck fur.

Jado is lunging at the offender too and shrugs off Prana, “what the heck are you doing? I’m older and bigger I get first dibs, that ‘s the rules” Jado is now snarling at Prana.  

I jerk the leashes, “Hey! Knock  it off”, I yell. Now I’m rattled and my calm, relaxing walk has lost its allure.

So now I take them separately. It’s ok. One on one time is important and a lot easier on my nerves.

Prana has disappeared, probably back upstairs to snuggle in the dog bed. She usually goes on the second walk. I set my coffee cup in the sink and Jado comes up and nudges my side. 

“Ok, you’ve had your coffee” , she mutters and she walks down to the drawer where the bags are kept and the dog treats hide in a little Tupperware bowl. She looks at the drawer. “Don’t you remember? This is where all the stuff is kept.”  She sits in front of the drawer and her tail swishes back and forth. “It’s right here” she glances at the drawer and looks back at me.

I walk over to her and lean down and whisper in her ear, “Okay, okay, want to go for a walk?” 

She is spinning and nudging me and her tail is about to rotate off her back end.  I open the drawer and grab the bag and she comes up and pushes the drawer closed and looks up,” That’s worth something, right. You clearly need some extra help.”

I hand her a kibble, she swallows it whole - no time to taste or crunch anything.  We walk to the kitchen door, I get her in her walking harness , open the door and get her out with out catching the flash of black tail feathers , shut the door and off we go. 

So there we are strolling down the street, glancing at floating clouds and feeling the Sun on our backs. Jado is walking right next to me glancing around watching out for tisking squirrels, distant dogs and sneaky cats. I look down at her and she is so calm and relaxed. “Hey Jado” she looks up at me, little bit of a smile. “Wanna go for a walk?”

She looks down at the ground, still trotting at my side and looks up at me, “Geez, are you kidding? We ARE walking. Didn’t you watch that DVD on verbs?”